Kinetic Sculpture Race Results

Cliff Berkowitz / Tuesday, May 27, 2014 @ 11:15 a.m. / Event

Last night at the end of a glorious 3 days of Kinetics, the awards banquet took place at Belotti Hall at the Ferndale Fair Grounds. Hundreds packed into the large exhibit hall to see who won what in this triathlon of the art world. There are a lot of different types of awards, so a brief explanation of how the results are determined:

There are four main categories, Engineering, Art, Speed, and Pageantry. All but speed are judged by officials whose job it is to make a determination as to how each machine does on those categories. And yes, it is subjective. For speed, each machine is individually timed so it can be confusing if you watch a machine come in first, it may not be in first place for time since one that came in behind it may have started that portion of the race after the the one that came in first. The Grand Champion is the machine with the best combined score in Arts, Engineering, Art, and Speed. Note: Even if the Grand Champion has the top score in any given category, it will not show up because you can't win Grand Champion and an Engineering, Art, or Speed award.

At the banquet all the judging and timing info are gathered together and the Goddess Jen-O and Goddess Tina crunch the numbers factoring in all the penalties and bonuses. And while racers, and their crew enjoy a sumptuous meal, the awards are given out. Most years both Amy and I share the MC duties, however, since I piloted this year with the Lost Coast Mutineers, Amy handled all the MC work (and quite well I might add). There are many other awards given out for various accomplishments. I will explain them as we go.  What follows are all the awards. 

Grand Champion: #102 Tempus Fugitives - Drilling For Glory

Engineering: 1st #106 Melvin, 2nd #124 Banana Split, 3rd #137 8.5

Art: 1st #136 Star Truckkers, 2nd #116 Blue Oyster Cult, 3rd #109 June's Steam Pump & the Mad Hatters

Speed: 1st #112 Dr. Peddle & Mister Ride (8:44), 2nd #106 Melvin 9:34), #134 Breakin' Wind (9:46)

Pageantry: 1st #116 Blue Oyster Cult, 2nd #136 Star Truckkers, 3rd #115 Hell On Axels

Ace Awards: To earn an Ace, you must complete the race completely under your own power, with the same pilots throughout the race and follow all the rules of the race. It is very difficult to get an Ace. Especially in very large multi-pilot machines. The following pilots from the listed machines earned their Aces and from this point forward are to be addressed as "Professor:" #102 Tempus, #106 Melvin, #110 Pigasus , #111 Think I Can, #112 Dr. Pedal & Mr. Ride, #124 Banana Split, #127 Up, #130 Bounce For Glory, #Breakin' Wind, #135 Biking Fool, #137 8.5.

Spirit of the Glorious Founder Award. This award is determined by Justing Hobart Brown and Emily Elizabeth Hobart Brown, Son and Daughter of the Glorious Founder of the Kinetic Sculpture Race. Hobart Brown was very fond of very large and impractical machines. The bigger, more elaborate, and more pilots it had, the better as far as he was concerned. Because of their cumbersome nature they often could not finish the race without being pushed through it. Hence, Hobart himself never earned an Ace. And being an artist, he adored machines that were truly sculptures and fun to look at. This year a first, second and third place award was given out. They are:

1st #108 The Lost Coast Mutineers, 2nd ##130 Bounce For Glory, 3rd #124 Banana Split.

Mediocre Award: (given to the team the comes in middle of the pack [total score] #134 Breakin' Wind

6:32 Award (Given to the first ACE to miss closure Day 1) #104 Race Like an Egyptian

Best Bribe: #136 Star Truckkers

Best Campsite: #115 Hell On Axels

Best Junior (young persons) Machine: #110 Pigasus

Best Pit Crew: #105 Trikasaurus (Jankasaurus)

Best Volunteer (Racers Choice): Kinetic Kops

Biggest Splash (going into the bay): #136 Star Truckkers

Corvallis de Vinci Days (awarded by their committee to receive registration and camping for 4 for the Corvallis race): #136 Star Truckkers

Goddess Jen-O Award: #138 Brown Chicken, Brown Cow

Golden Dinosaur Award: (first to break down after the Plaza): #101 Easy as 3.1415

Golden Flipper - H20 (best flip in the water): #139 Partly Cloudy

Golden Flipper - Sand (best flip in the sand) #107 Doomed Buggy

Klamath Falls Choice: (Klamath Falls Race Committee choice. Winners get free registration to their Kinetic Sculpture race): Tri-Lo-Bike, Breakin' Wind, 8.5, Wiley Coyote, Pigasus

Most Improved: Star Truckkers

Never Give Up (Poor Pitiful Me): Trikasaurus (Jankasaurus)

One for the Little Guy: #111 Think I Can

PT Committee Choice: Trikasauras

Racers' Choice: #102 Tempus Fugitives

Second to Last: #129 Corpie Cruiser

Spectators' Favorite: #420 Bite Me

Tedder Bear Award: #133 Space Idiocy

They Came From Out of Town: #121 Zebra Muscle Invasion

You Klever Rascal (Best Engineering, Non-ACE):  #118 The Cloud of Unknowing

Volunteers' Favorite Race Team: Blue Oyster Cult

Kinetic Kops Award: 8.5/ Cloudy with a Chance of Rain

Rutabad@$$ Queen: Duane Flatmo-- Second Year


Three people have been honored with Lifetime Achievement Awards:

 Dana Hall and Bill Neil for their many years of racing and announcing.

T. Great Razooly (Banned for Life + 2 Days) honored for his commitment to dastardly deeds, villainy of all kinds, and receiving blame for all that goes wrong at Kinetics.