Crabs v. Prune Packers: Commence The Packening
[This piece is the first in a summer series of AWARD-WORTHY sports coverage.]
Game one of this weekend's series between the Humboldt Crabs and Healdsburg Prune Packers (henceforth referred to as the Bums) ended as you could've predicted.
The Bums started slow but tapered off as they erred their way to a soul-crushing 4-2 defeat.
Crabs Stadium was full but not stuffed. In the beer line, fans high-fived one another for no good reason as strangers assisted overwhelmed parents in the stands. Seats were saved and snacks were shared.
The lack of the World Famous Crabgrass Band™ did not begrime the crowd's spirit, who heckled with both decency and cruelty. "Looking good, butterfingers," yelled one fan after the Bums failed to turn two. Again.
The evening took an unfortunate turn when a foul ball apparently left a negative impression on the roof of a sparkly Suburban parked on F Street.
On the plus side, the Bums did have a player named Sterling Champagne. Come on. Sterling Champagne.
The Bums also excelled at:
- infield belly flops
- wearing maroon
- looking at pitches
- looking exhausted
So it wasn't all bad for the Bums of Healdsburg. They tried, and it was cute. Besides, local activist Dennis Mayo bought your reporter some nuts and showed off pictures of his adorable ponies.
The Bums take on the Crabs tomorrow at 4:00 p.m. (doubleheader) and again on Sunday at 12:30 p.m.